Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
where does the pee come out of this thing
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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