Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
