so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
