Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
