the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
