You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
