The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
