My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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