Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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