He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My bed smells like the plague
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