Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
