Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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