after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
