I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
