If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
