My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
