I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
