Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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