Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
