I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
