sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
