Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
