So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
