Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
