I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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