Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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