what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
