Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
