I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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