I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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