remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
