i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
