When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
