i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
