she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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