I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well you can't waste a boner
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
