Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
