the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
