I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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