i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
