You really coming over, don't trick.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
