She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
