New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
