if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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