is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
