he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
