I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
