I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just google imaged poop.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
