What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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