remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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