I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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