what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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