Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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