Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
